Top of the mornin’ to ya, my fellow cheez-its and cheez-etts, and welcome back to another installment of Drew Dishes. This week, the classic American pastime: eating processed food. This cheese has the fitting name: “American cheese.” In fact, I am unsure if I can even classify half of this product as true cheese. It is technically classified as cheese, but it’s in the same way that you’d classify meatloaf as being meat. American cheese is a blend of real cheese, additive texture, and “flavor-altering ingredients.” This question should be obvious to many, but… is American cheese the perfect cheese? Today, we will be discussing one of the most mixed and controversial cheeses out on the market right now: American cheese.

Cheese: You know it, you love it, and at one point you probably ate a slice of American cheese at 3am and then immediately regretted it. American cheese is often cited as one of the most interesting foods that has been absorbed into the average American diet. However, it is undeniable that it does deliver flavor. American cheese has a very mild, creamy, and salty flavor. It has an incredibly low melting level. This makes it perfect for sandwich melts, specifically grilled cheese. 

American cheese has a high level of versatility in cooking, being used from the simplest grilled cheese to the relatively complex casseroles. It is an American classic, perfect for not thinking about what is actually in it and just eating it, and as far as versatility goes, it can unfortunately be found literally anywhere in American stores. The Secret Cheese Council gave an overall score of 5/10. I feel like this is too generous for such an insult to cheeses everywhere. As the benevolent Overlord of Cheese, I will overturn this rating and give it a 3.8/10. It certainly has its uses in very specifically American cuisine, but generally gross enough to not rank it any higher. There are better choices, people. Until next time, this is your Cheese Tyrant… signing off.