Bracing myself, I walked towards the studio, the dulcet harmony of an orchestra pierced my ears through the open window. The soft touch of leather soles sounded against the wooden floor. I glanced through the curtain, watching as lithe bodies made their way across the floor to the tempo of the song. Combined, these elements created a whimsical atmosphere to a child’s eye, but all they did was leave a bitter taste in my mouth. 

I went to the dressing room to get ready for the next class. Satin strangled my ankles and elastic squeezed my middle as nerves started to crawl up my throat in anticipation. Rising higher and higher as the minute hand got closer to twelve. 

When the door opened and other girls began filing into the room, I knew it was time. 

Standing up, I smoothed down my skirt and made my way into the main room as gracefully as I could. Upon entrance I was met with the distasteful stares of Will and Miss Lozano. Both pairs of eyes gave me a once over from head to toe before narrowing in complete disgust. 

“Eleanor, Will,” Miss Lozano barked, “From the top. We’re going to do the lift today.”

Will took his place at the center while I kept to the outskirts of the room feeling every muscle in my body twitch with anticipation. We had put off the lift for weeks because despite Miss Lozano’s favoring of my abilities, she thought a diet was needed before Will strained himself trying to lift me up. 

Swan Lake’s “Coda: Allegro molto vivace” began with a stentorian cry from the brass section as Will began his journey across the floor in a series of leaps and turns. 

The music lulled and I slowly pranced to the center and engaged in a multitude of pirouettes. Watching helplessly as the world around me blurred into one block of hazy colors. Each turn became more zealous with the swell of the music before WIll came and I tiptoed off to the side. 

I blinked a few times, bile rising up the back of my throat as I tried to shake off the lightheadedness. Then I came back in as Will and I moved across the floor, forwards and backwards, before resettling in the middle. 

I stood on pointe while Will spun me with his hands before tensing my entire body, ready to be lifted into the air, but it never happened. Instead, I felt his hands restrict around my waist, pulling at my excess flesh. 

Miss Lozano stopped the music, obviously annoyed. “Why did you stop? What is the problem?”

“I can’t do it,” Will said. 

“What do you mean?”

“I can’t lift her.”

“But we need to start practicing the lift.” Miss Lozano crossed her arms. 

“But look at her.” Will gestured to me. 

“I know,” Miss Lozano sighed, “Have you even started your diet, Eleanor?”

“Yes.” I nodded. 

“Doesn’t look like it.” Will snidely remarked, poking and pinching the skin that hung over the waistband of my skirt. “I can see your breakfast.”

“I didn’t eat breakfast this morning,” I said, smacking his hand away, “I woke up too late.”

“You mean that’s your dinner?” Will asked. 

I stared ahead into the wall of mirrors, studying my torso. “I… I guess so.”

“How are you ever going to expect me to lift you then?”

“I don’t know.”

“Eleanor,” Miss Lozano said, “You’re a talented dancer, but you’re going to lose your part if you can’t get in shape. And if you lose this part, then don’t anticipate getting another.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Okay, let’s do it again from the top. We will leave the lift for next week again.”

“Yes, ma’am.” I walked to my starting position, passing by Will. 

“You better lose that weight.” He snarled into my ear. “Because I am not going to be dragged down by you.”

I nodded as I took my place and the music began again. 

//////////////////////

The night of the performance, I stood in front of Will. His hands were planted firmly on my waist, the blinding stage lights baking me under their intense glare as the music resounded throughout my head. Sweat dripped down my face as his grip tightened and suddenly, finally, I was lifted fully into the air. Instantly, I felt my strength dissipate, my body went limp and my vision turned black. The last thing I remembered hearing was the hearty grunt of Will followed by the worried shrieks of the audience and the heavy thump of my body as I hit the ground.